Sunday, September 25, 2011

Extra, Extra...Read All About "IT"...

My grandmother was one of the most empathetic, caring and thoughtful people that I've ever met, and one of the funniest. When I was little, she taught us the standard nursery rhymes like, Little Boy Blue and Little Jack Horner and when we learned them (and could say them back perfectly), she would teach us her "Grandma Nursery Rhymes". These rhymes almost always entailed the main character of the nursery rhyme pooping, splitting their pants or passing gas. I guess it is fair to say that I come by my offbeat sense of humor naturally.

Recently, I recieved a ton of feedback about my writings. (All of it freely given, none of it solicited)

I can't believe she posted that!!!
Well, what kind of an example is she setting for her children by talking like that?OH! She said, "Penis" and "Handjob" in a sentence and posted it on the internets!!!!

Bless her heart.
And my personal favorite, which was short, sweet and to the point.


My answer to these comments:

Most of the people who dislike my writings are extremely conservative, Christian people. You know what my favorite thing about Christianity is? I'll tell you, friends. My favorite thing about Christianity is the fact that Jehovah, God and Creator of all things living... gave us free will. Can I get an Amen?!  The will to choose our path, and make our own decisions. Ye-esss! The WILL to choose what to do! And whena to do ita! AMEN! WHOO!!! Hallelujah, hallelujah....hallleellujah. Shadamakanda!!!! (Sorry, about writing like an evagenlist there...I just get into it.)

 So...with that being said...I hardly feel bad for offending your beliefs or sense of rightousness with my writings when I make a preface to the blog that reads, "If you are easily offended or have no sense of humor...Don't read this."  You chose to read it.

You chose to continue on through the paragraphs after reading words like "vagina" and "penis" and "fart", and then you come to me and try to make me feel bad for writing it. Hello?!
I didn't tie you down to a chair and read it to you out loud against your will. You're an idiot.

You read it yourself. Of your own accord. Making your own decision.

You could have read the second sentence and said, "Whoops, this is a blog about (whisper) P.O.O.P... Can't read this one."

Now, on to the people who question my parenting abillities because of my sense of humor. You are probably the same bitchy women who idolize Marylin Monroe, and put her at the front of line for the busting through the door of Women's Suffrage. Puh-lease...the only door Marylin Monroe busted through was the green room door. and she usually waddled in on her knees. parenting skills are in question? Your skills as a human being are in question.Get a life.

Have you ever thought that maybe part of the reason that I post poop jokes and penis jokes on the internets is because I don't talk about those things (ever) in front of my children?
 I'm kind of like Bob Saget. He played the good old American dad on television, and then his standup was just filled with jokes about sex and poop.

With all of that aside, even when my children are older, I will not censor myself. I'm sure when they are older my humor will evolve and not be quite so crude, even so ...I am not going to teach my children that if they do not talk about things that they aren't out there. I am not going to teach my children that they need to be what society wants them to be. I am not going to snuff their creative rights.
I have come to the realization that bigger, more exciting things can happen to those who are open with their ideas and thoughts. I do not want my children to feel inhibited by their own personalities, like I was. Trying to blend into what kind of proper person that society wants them to be. There isn't a single person in history that made an impact on the world by keeping silent. Period.
 I want my daughter to look at women who were shunned for their thoughts and prevailed against it. Women who changed the world with single, inspirational sentences. I want my daughter to look to women who said things, and did things to make a difference in the world.

When my son gets older, and begins to court the ladies, I want him to look for a girl that has her own ideas, imagination and backbone. I want him to be an entrepeneur of thought and expression; gaining his fortune through life experiences. (Look at that word structure! I'm a freaking wordsmith.)

I will not stop being creative, and funny for three reasons:

1.) The world is obviously lacking in people with a sense of humor. I'm like part of the workforce's racial quota only for funny things.

2.) It is my job to show my children, that there are no such things as bad creative ideas. It is my job to encourage them to be whoever they want to be, and how can I do that if I stifle my own creativity?

3.) Because being funny, and writing about it... is who I am. Always has been. Always will be.

Also, to give you some insight on where this all stemmed from: I leave you with these nursery rhymes. Taught to me by one remarkable lady. Betty Lou Massingill. My granny.

Jack and Jill
Jack & Jill went up the hill,
Each with a buck & a quarter.
Jack came down with 50 cents,
Do you think they went for water?

Mary Had  A Little Lamb
Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
And now it goes to school with her
Between 2 chunks of bread.

Note: Almost everything I post is advice intended for squirrels. Except for this. This was for the people who will read this all the way to the end, and then bitch about it.