Monday, July 23, 2012

27, and I Still Don't Have a Clue...

As we get older, our perception of time changes. When I was little it always annoyed me to hear adults say, "Where does the time go?" or " seems like only yesterday you were this tiny little girl..." I am beginning to understand  that the concept of time, and the way it is measured; not only changes as we get older, but the value of time changes as well. As we get older, our time becomes more precious to us. We understand that the hours we spend at work, and hours spent away from our kids are hours...that are gone. They are moments that have passed without any significant memories being made. Vanished. Poof. Gone.

We also begin to understand, while a year is something that goes by incredibly fast; it is also a large window of opportunity for change, and understanding ourselves and the world we live in, better.

A year ago, I looked into the mirror and saw a perfectly coifed, put-together woman. A little too thin, maybe. She was a little too this, and a little too that...However, a year ago, when I looked into the mirror I was so sure of who I was.

I was also incredibly and unbelievably... full of shit.
In a world that is constantly changing and evolving...isn't is just a little presumptious to think we have a handle on anything? Isn't it arrogant to think that in the midst of a constantly changing world that we have a perfect stronghold on our surroundings? (These are rhetorical questions. Yes. Yes, it is.)
Yesterday, I sat in front of my mirror:
No makeup on my face.
My hair color returned to it's natural hue.
Ten pounds heavier than last year.

I sat there and looked at myself...the way I always look, and I felt this immense sense of relief upon realizing...I don't have a fucking clue who I am. All of the years that I've spent hours making myself appear a certain way, and I'm finally figuring out: I am still changing. The person I am right now, as I type these words, won't be the same person a year from now.

DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING THAT IS?! In case you couldn't tell by my excessive use of bolding and All-caps: It's pretty damn exciting.

So beyond that...I got nothing. I turned twenty-seven years old yesterday, and I still don't have much of an idea of what in the heck I'm doing. Exciting, right?

In addition to my self-realization of just how lost and confused I am...I was also confirmed in my suspicions that I have the most amazing friends in the world.(I have hundreds of post-its, emails, text messages and cards to prove it.) To the people who had a part in making my day special:

Thank you. I love you. You have left the girl with the words...completely speechless.

This seemed fitting...Enjoy.

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