Saturday, September 1, 2012

For The Guys- Things You Probably Didn't Know About Your Favorite Body Part


     Well, it only seemed fair to write about something that would grab the interests of my male readers after talking about periods, pregnancy and labor and delivery in my last few entries.

It's okay if you are a guy and enjoyed reading those posts, I would think less of you if you didn't.

I began thinking about things I could write that would ,not only, interest the men who read my blog, but would also educate them.
Enlighten them.
 Inform them.
I thought...what is the one thing all men think they know everything about? Then I had to rephrase my question because well...most men think they know everything there is to know about everything.

What is the one body part men think they know the most about?
That's right, kids! The penis.
Of course, when it comes to the penis most men probably think they know everything there is to know.

I mean, for heaven's sake...they have one!
They spend a lot of time with it.
They pay careful attention to it.
They foster a relationship with it.

Some men even... name their penises.
 So...just when you think you know everything there is to know about the male reproductive system, I come in (in the nick of time, mind you) to enlighten, and further your education.

You're welcome.



It's a very real possibility that you had your first erection...in utero. - Now, get your minds out of the gutter, people.
Before I go any further, we should discuss two very different types of erections. The first type of erection is called an involuntary erection. These erections occur most commonly when guys are sleeping, and can occur somewhere in the range of ten -fifteen times throughout the night. Involuntary moments of happiness can also occur when your bladder is full. The other kind of erection is the kind most of you scurvy pervs were thinking of. These are erections that are brought on by either mental or physical stimuli. The fact is, boys will be boys, and ultrasound tests have proven that male fetuses have been shown to sport wood in the third trimester. There you go...bet you didn't know that.

You're welcome.





Surgeon General's Warning: Smoking nicotine based products can shorten the length of your penis -
Go ahead.
Re-read that.
Take it in.

If you smoke, now would be the appropriate time to do the whole Macaulay Culkin -"Home Alone"-slapping-your-cheeks-with-your-hands-and-screaming-thing...or click here ... http://justincaseyouwerewondering.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Macaulay-Culkin.jpg

The effect is similar to smoking's effect on a person's heart. Just like the blood vessels in ones heart can be restricted as a result of smoking those toxic death sticks...the blood vessels in your penis can suffer the same brutal fate. Yes. You read that correctly. This lessened flow has a negative effect on the elasticity of the penis and prevents it from achieving its full length once erect. Studies have shown that over time, these effects can reduce the overall length by as much as 1 cm.

 HOLY SHIT, RIGHT?! According to one researcher, smoking has more direct harmful impact on the penis than it does on the heart.
If you're a man...and you've been searching for a reason to quit smoking, and this doesn't make you do it... You need to have your brain checked for abnormalities.


If your penis length falls somewhere between these two numbers...you're completely normal - The smallest, natural penis on record is 5/8 of an inch long. (Is that even a real number?! ) It is held by a man named , John Lee. This is actually a medical condition called "micropenis".
Who knew?!

 The largest, natural penis on record is 9 inches...when flacid.
(That just sounds wrong, doesn't it?!)

Anyway, if you fall anywhere between 5/8 of an inch and 9 inches (sans erection)...you are perfectly normal. This is a good thing.
During my research I also found a funny article about Mr. Jonah Falcon, or as I like to call him "Mr. Scary Penis". http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/16/jonah-falcon-largest-penis-frisked-by-tsa_n_1675767.html

This seemed perfectly appropriate again....

 
 
 
 
Paying attention to your penis will help you grow a beard! -
Now, that doesn't mean every man with a beard has a high sex drive. It is scientifically proven that all of the things that happen during the arousal process, including the extra blood flow, stimulate cell growth. This includes hair. Hair growth is definitely stimulated by sexual activity or even the expectation of it for many people. That's right! You've heard the old adage about anticipation...apparently, this is true for growing those righteous beards!  Case studies of sailors at sea recorded hair growth accelerated right before shore leave , but slowed down upon return to the ship. Good to know! 








28 mph. - Studies at the Kinsey Institute have proven that the average speed at which a man ejaculates is 28 mph. Holy. Shit.
That's fast. Not only is this true, there have been several experiments conducted.

According to the Kinsey Institute, 28 mph is in excess of the top speeds of the greatest runners in the world.That's pretty cool. I'll give you that one, guys. Pat yourselves on the back.
 
Another fun fact I discovered: Over the course of an average man's life, he will expel (at a startling 28 miles per hour, nonetheless) 14 gallons of ejaculate materials. Look at you! A bunch of overachievers, aren't you?!





And what kind of a lady would I be, if I didn't save the most...enlightening material for the end.





 

Two Words: Penile. Rupture. - I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Pump the brakes, Lucy! Those two words should never be side by side in a sentence!"

I know. It sounds scary, right? Painful. Life threatening. It is all of those things, and...just so you know...this is something that is almost always self induced.

That's right. All of those times when your mother said, "That's going to fall off it you keep playing with it."

She almost had it right. Basically, penile rupture happens when you give yourself one too many low fives, and you rupture the big tube that helps blood flow to your penis during the erection process. Typically, when penile rupture occurs one will hear a cracking or popping sound and then experience a sudden loss of erection. No worries, though! There is corrective surgery that can repair the damage you've caused to yourself, but it is emergency surgery!

 So, if you here a pop...

stop..
.
AND GET YOUR ASS TO THE HOSPITAL!

(I put this one in here to balance out the whole 28 mph thing. Remember, everything in moderation.)


So...there you go, a few fun facts about things guys want to hear about. Now, stop sending me griping letters about writing about pregnancy, periods and girly stuff all the time!














2 comments:

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  2. This is awesome. Thank you for this! My husband is a sailor and he very much enjoyed the beard growth part. Attempt at winning over boys: success!

    ReplyDelete