Tuesday, December 4, 2012

2012- Affirmation of a Resolution

I have taken a break from writing. (In case you haven't noticed the absence of my brain lint in your inbox.)

I am unsure if my writing sabbatical took place because of writer's block or if I've just been too busy with other parts of my life to sit down and tap anything out. Needless to say, the last thing anyone wants to read are random sentences about bowel movements and the lackluster social life of a mother of two.

As another year comes to a close, I have become quite reflective about how I spent my days during the year of 2012. As many of you know, in December of 2011, I made a New Year's resolution to accept my physical appearance for what it was. Foregoing cosmetics, I barged into the year of 2012 hell bent on not changing anything about myself. (except eyebrows because...Eugene Levy)
About three-quarters of the way through the calendar year, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized it was silly to think I could go on this quest for physical acceptance by negating change...and not be changed by it.

I am happy to report that I achieved my ultimate goal. On December 29, 2011, I sat in my living room, and thought about the year ahead of me and the things I needed to change.
I can see it as though it were yesterday; I was too thin, too tired, a bit frazzled and sitting in my living room floor while I furiously typed the words, "I hope in the year 2012 to be able to look at myself in the mirror, and love everything that I see without changing it or wishing it looked another way."I have accomplished this. I've gained ten pounds, (my breasts are no longer concave!) I've just sort of let my hair choose its own path and beyond some spf on my face and some gloss on my lips...I don't feel compelled to change the way I look. Frankly, I feel I look better now that I ever have in my life.

Now, when I look in the mirror I don't see the roots I need to get re-done or smeared mascara that has reached its breaking point at the end of a long day. I see me. I see variations of me, but I see me. I know that beyond washing my face or combing my hair....it is what it is; And what it is...is fine. It's better than fine, in fact... It's marvelous and wonderful and beautiful and...real. The reason I feel so comfortable with my outward appearance is because I'm finally at peace with my inner self.

It would be silly for me to sit here and tell you that all of the ways I've grown over the last year can be attributed entirely to my New Year's resolution. I have had many exciting, wonderful and eye opening experiences that have helped me grow into a stronger person; Some of them have been scarier than shit. (Two brain surgeries, anyone?)

 They have helped me become a better friend, a mother, companion and teacher. These experiences, coupled with my quest for self acceptance, have made this a year that will change the course of the rest of my life.

When I am an old woman looking back on my life I will see (with more clarity) just how much a person can grow in a year; how one can resolve to love herself, and see the life-altering moments follow.

Learning to love yourself will help you accept love from others.

It is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

You can change your own life.

Don't wait.

Also...because it is fitting http://youtu.be/98DFcIS_lc4.

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