I have been thinking often about my friendships; those I have recently developed and my older friendships that are evaporating within the folds of busy and changing lives.
As I thought about the changes taking place in my life, I was reminded of something the protagonist of the novel "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" said:
“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.”
We've all been at this place, and we often wonder what brought about the change in the friendship.
Was it something I did?
Who stopped calling who?
Was it something I said?
Is it just a difference of opinion or a seperation of lives?
In my case, I think it's a combination. Mostly the seperation of lives- but, generally a case of "out growing" a friendship.
Long-time friendships are the most difficult to let go of. The kind of friendships that are rooted in notes being passed across classrooms, pinky promises and slumber party antics.
As much as one would like to retain those friendships as they are, the ever-changing world around us makes it difficult. It is a reality that many people are faced with, and while it is something we all learn to be true...the affirmation of loss is never easy to accept.
Now, don't get me wrong. There are several friendships that have passed through my life in a hurried wave of "Thank God that is over" or "Wow. That bitch is too crazy for color t.v."
However, I have many friendships that I have watched slowly slip through my fingers like grains of sand. Regardless of how tightly my fingers are held together; I am not able to keep it from disappearing.
I have learned blaming myself fixes nothing. Self-blame has actually given me a complex that I may never outgrow. Unfortunately, there is rarely a cure for people who take the blame for things that are not their fault. (I've found chocolate and cupcakes help a lot, though.)
The key is learning that no one is to blame when things like this happen. It isn't a matter of who stopped calling who, or who forgot to return an email.
The key is remembrance and acceptance. Cherish the memories brought to life by your friendship and accept that the world continues to change.
People change; Therefore the friendships they hold with others...change.
Acceptance is a process, but I'm getting there.