Thursday, January 17, 2013

Going Through the Change

 I have been thinking often about my friendships; those I have recently developed and my older friendships that are evaporating within the folds of busy and changing lives.

 As I thought about the changes taking place in my life, I was reminded of something the protagonist of  the novel "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" said:

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.” 

We've all been at this place, and we often wonder what brought about the change in the friendship.

Was it something I did?
Who stopped calling who?
Was it something I said?

Is it just a difference of opinion or a seperation of lives?

In my case, I think it's a combination. Mostly the seperation of lives- but,  generally a case of "out growing" a friendship.

Long-time friendships are the most difficult to let go of. The kind of friendships that are rooted in notes being passed across classrooms, pinky promises and slumber party antics.

As much as one would like to retain those friendships as they are, the ever-changing world around us makes it difficult. It is a reality that many people are faced with, and while it is something we all learn to be true...the affirmation of loss is never easy to accept.

Now, don't get me wrong. There are several friendships that have passed through my life in a hurried wave of "Thank God that is over" or "Wow. That bitch is too crazy for color t.v."

However, I have many friendships that I have watched slowly slip through my fingers like grains of sand. Regardless of how tightly my fingers are held together; I am not able to keep it from disappearing.

I have learned blaming myself fixes nothing. Self-blame has actually given me a complex that I may never outgrow. Unfortunately, there is rarely a cure for people who take the blame for things that are not their fault. (I've found chocolate and cupcakes help a lot, though.)

The key is learning that no one is to blame when things like this happen. It isn't a matter of who stopped calling who, or who forgot to return an email.

The key is remembrance and acceptance. Cherish the memories brought to life by your friendship and accept that the world continues to change.

People change; Therefore the friendships they hold with others...change.

Acceptance is a process, but I'm getting there.

1 comment:

  1. Lucy,
    I agree entirely. This is something that I have been living with, especially since I left for the Navy back in the day. We never really forget our true friends, like I will never forget the people like you, Ash, or Majik (Clint and Mark are truely family, so they're a bit different). I will never forget the people who I truly cared about, and continue to care about.

    I can however say that though we never see or talk to one another, that if I were to bump into one of you or if I got a phone call from one of you asking for my help then you would certainly receive it without question. To me, my true friendships will endure indefinitely. Granted I have a lot of acquiantances who I have at some point called friend (though that wasn't truly the case), but you guys will always be special to me. Last I saw you we had coffee, and to me the conversation was as easy and banter-filled as it was 10 years ago. That at least to me is a sign of friendship, not the fact that we don't really talk or correspond with any regularity.

    The Navy has given me a new point of view on what is and is not a friend perhaps. I am forced to pack up my life every few years and move far away from every one that I know and care about, but just because I am no longer where they are doesn't mean I have stopped loving them. On the contrary I believe it makes me appreciate them more, knowing that my true friends are always there when I need someone to talk to, whether I have talked to them everyday since we last saw each other, or only a few times in the past decade. I hold a special place for all of my real friends in my heart, and I would bend over backwards to help them in a pinch.