Friday, April 19, 2013

The Maze of Life

 There are things I remember about my life with such clarity I sometimes frighten myself.  To hear me tell it, I can remember the cortical reaction inside of my mother's womb that began my life.

To offset these days of perfect memory retrieval, there are also days I forget to put on a bra or spend fifteen minutes looking for car keys only to discover them in my hand.

It's all very "Holly Golightly", but without the natural grace to accompany the antics.

The things I remember, the moments that sweep over me in such clarity I feel as though I am reliving the moment-- I have found these beautiful memories are almost always triggered by something very simple.

Last week, I was helping my daughter work a maze. The maze stated it was designed for children between the ages of four and eight, but to save my fragile self esteem... I am going to go ahead and call bullshit on that.

There I am with my daughter ,attempting to solve this puzzle that was clearly designed for  elementary children with Savants Syndrome, when I remembered solving mazes by starting at the end and working my way to the beginning. Anytime I worked a maze in school, I almost always started at the end and finished it; I found it was faster, it was easier and it was less frustrating.

Folks, hold onto your shit because I am about to blow your mind: like a maze. One begins on a path with no plans or ideas, and eventually it's as though we are racing to beat a deadline. We find ourselves in a blind panic, frantically grasping for affirmation that we are doing things right. Disappointment mounts when the paths eventually curve, collide and dead end. We find ourselves standing in the middle of dozens intersecting paths, shaking our fists skyward and shouting, "Who in the fuck designed this thing?!"

 Many of you have heard me say a million times of all the things I want to be, in the end, I just want to be happy.

Happiness is what waits at the end of my maze.

However, I think I have been going about this whole "finding happiness" business the wrong way. I should start at the end and work my way to the beginning. If all I want is to be happy, why can't I start there and see where I end up?

Be happy now, and wait for the end to find me.I am confident if I hold fast to the optimism that has always filled my mind...I will eventually collide with happiness in a big messy splash of "I never thought life could be this good".